The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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