Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
