He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
