Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
