i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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