The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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