saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
