I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
