I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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