i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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