there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
