You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
