Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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