It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
