she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
