Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
