oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
