she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
