Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
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9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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