just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
