We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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