I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
there's paper in my vomit.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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