Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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