Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
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