It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
