wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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