We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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