I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
