thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
