The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
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Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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