he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
