...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
