is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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