My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
