so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
