i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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