he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
high people should be assigned attendants
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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