hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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