im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you had me at cake vodka
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
