I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
