Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
