Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
