I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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