Soap is not a condiment
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding