All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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