We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
