Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
