did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
