): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
