i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
