M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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