Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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