His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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