Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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