This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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