Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
