I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We named our party play list daddy issues
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
