my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
