Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
