dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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