Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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