my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
